Hostess
by WindsofDuskSweepThroughMyHair
Summary: Attention: until I get through my current rough patch in school, this story will be put on temprary hiatus. Sorry guys, but school comes first. Stick with me! ;
1. News Delivered

_Crud!_ Haruhi inwardly yelled as she sprinted towards the abandoned third music room. She checked her watch one last time to see that she was now 15 minutes late. _Oh great…I wonder what will happen if-_ *OOF* Not paying attention to where she was running and caught up in punishment scenarios, Haruhi had carelessly crashed into somebody. They both fell to the floor.

"Haruhi?"

"…Karou?"

Haruhi looked up at one of the Hitachiin twins, undoubtedly Karou. He flashed her a trademark, crooked grin.

"Right again!"

He picked himself off of the floor and brushed off his hands, offering her one afterwards to which she gladly accepted.

"Are you alright, Haruhi?"

"Yes, I'm fine…What are you doing out of the Host Club?"

"Hikaru and I were told to find you. All appointments for the club have been canceled today. I think Hikaru went to the classroom to look for you."

Karou then patted his pockets, all of them being empty, to which he then frowned.

"Hang on; I have my phone, if you were looking for yours."

Haruhi rummaged through her old leather bag for a second before producing a blue basic cell phone. Karou's face brightened as he called Hikaru to let him know of Haruhi's appearance. They agreed to rendezvous at the entrance to the cafeteria. Soon enough, the three of them were on their way back to Music Room Three.

Haruhi suddenly remembered the question that was plaguing her.

"Wait, if club activities are cancelled, why are we going?"

The twins both placed their elbows on her head.

"Well," Karou started.

"ever since the Ouran fair," Hikaru continued. They then proceeded to finish the sentence in unison.

"you have been known as a girl. Kyoya is hosting a meeting for the members and we think that is what it's about."

It WAS only a few days after the fair and the almost-departure of Tamaki.

"Whatever the meeting is about, it can't be good." stated Hikaru. Worry tinged his sentence, sending a wave of alarm through Haruhi.

"Why?!" Haruhi blurted, getting her pitiful glances from both twins.

"You'll see when you get there…speak of it..."

Haruhi looked up to find themselves at the correct room. The trio entered to find an unusually serious atmosphere surrounding the other members, all of them sitting at a large table. Everyone's faces were gloomy in thought. _What happened…? This meeting can't be good. _The unusual silence made their footsteps seem unearthly loud on the polished tile, a nervous sweat starting on Haruhi. She felt like trapped prey.

Kyoya was the first to notice their entry.

"Hello Haruhi." He said in his casual, serious tone. "Sit down and we'll begin."

Tamaki, Mori, and Hani all looked at her with sad faces. Haruhi hesitantly sat down at an empty chair at the long table they were sitting at, the twins following suit. All eyes were locked on hers, creating a great feeling of discomfort, like entering the wrong classroom in the middle of class.

"Recently, at the end of the Ouran Fair, we revealed your true gender to the school." Kyoya paused to measure Haruhi's reaction, letting it sink in.

"…Yes?" Haruhi questioned, becoming more and more impatient.

"Well… the school isn't necessarily _pleased _with your deception at the moment." Kyoya's face was stone, his eyes hidden behind his glasses.

This simple sentence sent a tidal wave of chills up her spine. _Oh no…_ Everyone faces held a new meaning of alarm, excepting Mori. Haruhi sucked in a breath, failing to release it.

After studying her for a few more seconds, Kyoya continued.

"Haruhi… you are now officially _banned _from host club activity."

Haruhi's heart stopped then and there.

Chaos then began to erupt from the others, a swarm of complaints and pleads mixed into a big buzz of indistinguishable words. Voices were raised, chairs were toppling over, and everyone seemed crushed. Mori and Haruhi were the only ones who didn't leave their seats, both ridden with the same amount of shock. That was, until a bang erupted and echoed through the large, empty rooms. Everyone immediately went silent. Kyoya had slammed his fist on the table. His face was unreadable, shut-off from the others.

"No exceptions." He said coldly as he turned around and walked out of the room stiffly, leaving everyone else in shock. Hikaru was the one to break the ice.

"Well…THAT escalated quickly…"


	2. Starting today, you are a hostess!

"Well…THAT escalated quickly." Hikaru said, giving a sad smile as he looked at his brother who was deep in thought. Everyone's eyes seemed to flit across the room, trying to decide how they should react to such a sudden blow.

No one spoke for ages, everyone still trying to process what just happened. The silence was stale and thick, their ears ringing from the rapid, drastic changes in volume. Haruhi just stared ahead, her brain dancing around one thing. _"You are _banned_ from Host Club activities." _She heard many people break the silence, saying her name and asking her questions. Before she could answer theirs, she needed an answer for her own. And she knew just who had the answers.

Her hand clenched and she stood up, her chair making a deafening squeal as it slid across the tile. Everyone fell silent once more, watching her closely and anticipating her next move like she was a fighter in the ring. Only, she said nothing. She just stared straight ahead, her face blank, her mind riddled with gnawing questions. Ones she probably already had the answer to.

Maybe this is what was best. Maybe she just wanted to hear her better judgment contradicted. Maybe, just maybe, she really just wanted to know what to do next. She turned sharply and took off at a sprint out the door, leaving her friends yelling her name in the backdraft. She had one objective. Kyoya. And she knew just where he might be.

She rushed through the hallways, feet flying, air whistling in her ears. She had to ask him what the heck was going on, though she probably already knew. Down many, many hallways, past many, many doors, she ran past the point of exhaustion. She could feel her chest tightening, suffering from lack of proper oxygen. Her legs were wobbly, the muscles supporting her becoming exhausted. _I have got to get there an-_ *squeak* Haruhi, while in thought, had become careless with her steps, promptly tripping over her feet and coming to terms with the tile floor's cold, ostentatious, polished surface.

_Ouch! _ After impact, she paused where she landed for a few seconds, stunned in shock. After fully understanding what happened, she clumsily scrambled her way up and leaned against the wall, checking herself for injuries. A full-body check came up negative, much to Haruhi's relief. While she basked in the feeling of a narrowly-escaped disaster, she overheard voices from the room to the right. It was her and the twin's classroom.

Mamoka and another unfamiliar girl were gossiping, their homework half-finished. They were the only ones left in the oddly empty classroom, no grubby hands groping pencils and supplies, no irrelevant chatter, and no mischievous twins to prank everyone in turn, including scaring the living crap out of Kazukiyo.

Haruhi inched closer to the door, weary of getting caught, but curious as to what nice, polite Mamoka could possibly be gossiping about. _Perhaps it pertains to my…situation. After all, Mamoka was always a faithful Haruhi fangirl. _Haruhi thought, her eyes wide with anticipation and impatience. She sucked in a quick and quiet breath as Mamoka continued the sought-after conversation.

"Yes! It is true, Yamikazu!"

_That must be her name…the mystery girl…_

"Wow! Tell me everything that happened!" Yamikazu commanded, her voice dripping with anticipation that could be palpable. Haruhi was surprised that she wasn't drooling. Holding in gossip from a Host Club otaku was like waving bacon in front of a dog's nose.

"Okay, prepare yourself!" Mamoka said, stacking up the drama like bricks for a wall.

_Get on with it…_ Haruhi was starting to get irritated. After much failed telepathic coaxing from Haruhi, Mamoka continued.

"Haruhi, because of her gender-concealing act, has been disbanded from the Host Club! Crazy, right?"

Yamikazu gasped with surprise as Mamoka watched her face eagerly, waiting to continue.

"And guess what else?"

"What?!"

"At this very moment, the Host Club's financial advisor, Kyoya, is speaking to the headmaster, apparently in defense of Haruhi! SQUEE!"

Both of the girls started to rabidly squeal, apparently taking this whole situation in the only way they can. (Just recently un-forbidden) romance. Haruhi rolled her eyes in irritation.

"I always knew that there was something between those two! I bet he is very gallant! He is standing up for Haruhi! AHHH!"

Having enough of their fan-girlish squeals (It was giving her a headache.), Haruhi decided to take her leave. _Kyoya is debating for my rights, huh? _She thought, contemplating what to do next with the information she received. _Well, if I show up at the debate and start spraying words from my mouth, I would probably say the wrong things and blow it. I am still not entirely sure what is going on, so I don't have enough information to plead my case without making an invalid argument, proving me a fool, and ruining my last chance. Kyoya-sempai knows what he's doing. He has the financial excuse, which is surely the only reason he is debating for my stay. Yes, I paid off the debt, finishing with Éclair at the Ouran Fair…_

An involuntary shiver traveled down Haruhi's spine.

_But, I had brought in many customers with my popularity, which gave the club a definite money boost. My leave would cause a drastic drop in Host Club funds, resulting in a crash because we would not have time to adjust a new, lower budget before our spending became too much._

Haruhi, pleased with the reasoning of her head, turned away from the door and began to walk to the Host Club to fetch her bag, a thoughtful, faraway look on her face. She did not take three steps before something dawned on her. She stopped mid-step, leaving her feet to make no noise, and the hallway to turn eerily silent.

_Even if I stay, I won't bring customers in anyhow. I am known as a girl now. Ladies won't come to see a girl! Maybe I could work as their 'dog' again, but I still won't be getting nearly enough money to save the Host Club from drastic budget cuts. Oh, God… Wha-_

Haruhi immediately snapped her head up from her view of the floor. She heard a door creak open, footsteps start walking around the corner. The person now stopped at the other end of the hallway, clearly noticing her and looking mildly interested. Haruhi stared back at the guy, about to burst into flames from the ridiculousness of the coincidence. Her faced stayed in a look of bewilderment as the man's face looked amused.

His midnight hair fell across his face in a neatly messy fashion and he had an indifferent aura. He reached up to slide his glasses up his nose with the hand that wasn't holding a black notebook. Kyoya then began to walk towards Haruhi with a purpose, obviously wanting to speak with her. Haruhi waited for him, letting a worried look creep onto her face. His trek seemed to take an eternity, when it was truly a few moments at most. He finally approached her side, clearing his throat.

"Greetings, Haruhi. I assume you've come to receive the results of the debate?" He inferred, looking through her as always.

"Actually, this is a coincidence. However, since you're already here, I guess I had better hear it now." She said a little too nonchalantly, trying to sound cool instead of desperate. Kyoya raised an eyebrow at her before continuing, obviously wondering why she couldn't tell how desperate she still sounded.

"Well, we came to a compromise." When he finished this simple sentence, Haruhi no longer tried to hide her emotions and elation overcame her features, her doe-like eyes brightening.

"You will be allowed to stay in the Host Club, under certain conditions. Here, you are going to need this."

Kyoya handed her an opaque bag as Haruhi gave him a look of hesitant confusion. She reached her hand out and took the bag and, with one last, unsure glance at Kyoya, looked inside. She immediately gasped and shot her eyes back to Kyoya.

"A….female uniform…?" Haruhi said, her mind doing the math.

Her facial expression changed variously throughout her journey to an epiphany, going from confused, to curious, to puzzled, to troubled, and finally to understanding….which quickly fell from her face as she looked at Kyoya once more.

"I don't get it."

_Really, Haruhi? _Kyoya thought as he sucked in a breath, preparing to explain.

"You no longer will take requests from women."

Haruhi continued to stare at him, her face looking nervous, as if she was dreading what he would say next. _Would I have to be their dog once again? _

"You will now take requests from bored young men. Congratulations, Miss Haruhi Fujioka."

Her eyes were no longer on Kyoya, they were on the bag as she reached into it and pulled out said uniform. Haruhi ran her fingers over the fabric; its cream coloring was foreign to her, its laces and bows alien. She kept her eyes there, lingering on the brand-new fabric as her face contorted into a look of pure shock. _A-a female host?! _She almost didn't realize Kyoya was still there, mouth opening to speak.

"Starting today, you are a hostess!"


	3. She IS wearing a dress!

**Thank you all SO MUCH for your reviews! You people are awesome! They have seriously motivated me to write and update as quickly as possible (and to do my crazy happy dance across my kitchen. My family was all like: O-o "…What?" XD). I really hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**-Winds of Dusk**

"Are you almost done in there, Haruhi? It would be extremely convenient to catch them all together before they leave for the day." Kyoya warned as he waited for Haruhi to finish changing outside of the ladies room. Leaning up against the wall with his shoulder, Kyoya drummed his pen impatiently against his slim, black binder. _It is getting very late already…._

"Hold on a second, sempai. It is hard to quickly dress in attire you are unfamiliar with." Haruhi commented, possibly as a loud side comment. In actuality, Haruhi was already properly dressed, but she wasn't quite ready to take off, though. She still couldn't take three steps without the blasted cream fabric flouncing about, slipping under her feet in delicate tendrils. _DARN IT._

She was now rapidly pacing the surprisingly large and overly polished restroom, tripping every third step. When she neared the entrance to one of the stalls, her luck ran out. "OOWAHHHH!" Haruhi choked out a battle cry as she slipped and fell against the door to a stall, causing it to slam into the stall wall and make a simple fall sound oh-so-very-painful. She barely had time to pick up her hand before the door to the restroom entrance opened and there stood a slightly alarmed Kyoya, obviously away from his natural habitat.

"…What are you doing in here?" He questioned, obviously choosing to ignore the fact that a now scowling Haruhi was picking herself off of the floor of the restroom. "Are you alright?" He continued to question, measuring the look of humiliation on her face. "…I can't walk in the dress…" "…" "…" "I'll have to help you then, because you obviously can't walk in female attire and we have to leave now." He said with a sigh as he held out his periwinkle-clad arm for her to take. She looked at him suspiciously for a few seconds before she took the offer, weary as to what this would cost her later.

"Yes, I'll need retribution later, but for now, I can't just leave you on the bathroom floor, can I?" She huffed, because he couldn't just leave her there, no matter how much he wanted to, and that would cost her dearly. He began to half help her-half drag her out of the restroom. Struggling to not break her neck, she held on to Kyoya's arm and he tried to not be taken down with her. This was the compromise throughout the first couple of hallways before they adjusted into a less-awkward system of tripping feet and helping hands. Neither of them spoke, they just tripped in a slightly uncomfortable silence…until something broke that silence.

"WAAHHHH! KYA KYA KYAAAA!" They were in the hallway adjacent to the hallway containing music room #3, almost to the finish line in this embarrassing situation unseen. They just happened to stroll across a group of club customers leaving the club, one of them being Mamoka. They caught them in this awkward position that could be easily taken as cuddling in the eyes of a Host Club otaku. Haruhi and Kyoya did not expect such an onslaught of noise, or for there to be people right in front of them when they turned the corner. The aftermath consisted of Haruhi jumping with surprise, promptly tripping with the landing and stumbling into Kyoya, who was knocked back a few feet into the wall.

Every single girl in the hallway immediately gasped and blushed. The two victims both took notice of the reaction at the same time and immediately looked down to see what the problem was. Haruhi, when she had fallen, put her arms out to brace herself. Her hands were on either side of Kyoya's chest, her palms flat against the wall, unconsciously pinning him to the cold, pink surface. A dead-weight dropped in Haruhi's mind. _From their angle, it looks like I am hugging him….UGH! _Haruhi immediately jumped off of Kyoya, slightly blushing.

He moved off of the wall calmly and began to smooth his shirt with his host smile. "Sorry for startling you, Princesses." He said in his smooth host voice, making the girls blush tremendously. "Now, shouldn't you be on your way home?" He asked, adding in a shining smile to go for the kill. "O-of course, Kyoya-sempai." Mamoka answered, sneaking a glance at Haruhi, who was now slightly grimacing. Momoka winked. "Good-bye, Haruhi. That dress looks nice on you." "T-thanks…"

Momoka turned back to Kyoya "Goodbye, sempai." Kyoya nodded in response and the girls took off down the hallway giggling. Haruhi turned back to Kyoya who was now smirking a most amused smirk.

"Yeah…sorry about that, Kyoya-sempai." She said, obviously embarrassed.

He just nodded and held out his arm once more, to which Haruhi took.

"That is okay," Kyoya stated, catching her off-guard with his laid-back voice. "They plainly think that there is something going on between us."

Haruhi stared up at him with huge eyes as he just stared ahead, still smirking. _What…_

"Yes, I know, but why are you so okay with this?"

He turned his head down to look at her, glasses catching glares every few seconds from the passing windows. "Well, a little drama never hurt anyone. Besides, you and I will attract more customers this way. Our income will surely almost double."

He let out a happy chuckle, leaving Haruhi stupefied. She released a heavy sigh, exasperated with all that has happened today.

"Listen, you can bask in this opportunity to your heart's content, but don't expect me to get involved. I am not playing up a fake romance."

"I wouldn't expect you to. Today's events would be enough to satisfy their hunger for a while."

A question surfaced in Haruhi that sent chills up her spine.

"Anyway, how do you think the others will react?"

He looked down at her once again, curiously. "React to what?"

"To everything!" Haruhi waved her hand in a big circle, signifying all of the day's events.

"…I guess we're about to find out…"

Haruhi looked forwards to see the entrance of Music Room #3 tower in front of them, looking intimidating. Haruhi sucked in a deep breath as Kyoya turned the handle.

"WELCO-"

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks as they walked in, mouths agape as they stared at Haruhi's and Kyoya's interlocked arms. Everyone except Mori, who widened his eyes, bless him. The twin's started to chuckle as Tamaki slumped to the floor, probably unconscious.

"Well, well," The twins teased in unison. "Kyoya sure is acting all 'gentleman-like', holding Haruhi like that."

Kyoya smiled in a friendly fashion, but his eyes were colder than ice, shrinking into a glare. Kyoya was fighting fire with fire. The only hitch is that the twins are arsonists.

"Why do you think that is, Kaoru?" Hikaru said in over-exaggerated curiosity. Kaoru mimicked his position and facial expression to the 'T'. "Why, I don't know, Hikaru." They both turned to face Kyoya with the exact same confused faces, cupping their chins with their hands like a mirror image.

"Well, if you're _that _curious…"

He turned to face Haruhi, his evil aura coming back around his head. Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to plead, knowing what was about to happen. Before she could get any syllable out of her mouth, though, Kyoya sported an evil smirk and…released her arm. Her face was immediately sent plummeting to the ground, a surprised squeak escaping her lips.

Tamaki, in a miraculous action, revived himself and ran to her. He tried to pick her up and cradle her, but he was pushed away. Not taking no for an answer, he tried again, only to be growled at and pushed more forcefully. Many more attempts were tried, but he was ignored as the twins stared at Kyoya, eyes as wide as tomatoes. "What's wrong with her?" They both looked extremely worried as they asked and walked over to her to get Tamaki, who was now throwing a tantrum, off of her. Hani-sempai ran up to Kyoya and attached onto his leg. "IS HARU-CHAN OKAY?" He yelled, close to tears. Kyoya gently removed him from his knee and spoke. "She just can't walk in her dress yet." Haruhi immediately shot a death glare at Kyoya, ready to get some heads rolling. Tamaki's and the Hitachiin twin's faces blanched as they stared at Haruhi.

"Wait… she IS wearing a dress!" The twins screamed as they beamed and stared at her. Tamaki froze from his current action of banging his fists on the floor and proceeded to goggle at her, dumbstruck. "…how did I miss that?" He muttered. Haruhi, Hani, Mori, and Kyoya all turned their heads to stare at them in unison. A new technique was invented that day. Synchronized face-palming. The first use was recorded as the quartet of people witnessing this magnitude of stupidity slowly brought their heads down to meet the surface of their palms at the same exact moment, making history.

"Wait! Is Haru-chan still going to host?" Hani-sempai shouted out to no one in particular. That seemed to ruin the moment and catch everyone's attention, considering everyone's faces snapped over to Haruhi like frightened meerkats. Kyoya was the one to speak.

"Yes and no. She will be what we call a 'hostess'. She is only taking male requests, explaining the female uniform."

If their eyes widened any farther, their eyeballs would surely fall out of their head. Unfortunately, another technique was invented that day. It was synchronized glomping, performed by the twins, Tamaki, and Hani. Mori just simply petted her head, staying silent.

"YOU'RE SOOO CUTE, HARUHI!"

_Ugh… _Haruhi inwardly groaned. _Hold on… something is missing…_

"WAIT! HOLD THE PHONE! HOLD IT!" Tamaki suddenly roared next to Haruhi's ear. "MALE REQUESTS? MALE REQUEST WITH _**MY LITTLE GIRL**_?! I WON'T LET YOU EXPLOIT HER TO PERVERTED YOUNG MEN!"

_Yep. There it is. _

Something else crowded her mind, chilling her.

_How will they react when they hear the gossip of mine and Kyoya's little 'relationship'? _


	4. Lady Manager

**Sorry! I haven't been able to update recently. School is taking the best of me. Oh, well. I hope you like this chapter. Also, thanks once again for all of your reviews! They sure mean a lot to me! **

**-Winds of Dusk**

"Renge!"

The two girls called as they jogged down the hallway, sweat beginning to break on their faces as a result of running on a hot day. They were exasperated and had been searching for Renge everywhere for the past study hall time. Fortunately, they found her on the way back to class. Renge turned around to face them with a start, holding a book in her hand.

"Yes, girls?"

The two girls looked at each other, and looked back at Renge. "Have you heard the news?" This seemed to pique Renge's interest, for she walked closer to them with a speculative look on her face. "Which one? Raika got braces?" The girls shook their head in response. Renge looked deep in thought. "Yaruki broke her arm?" The girls shook their heads again, deciding to interfere. "No! This is much bigger! We are surprised you have not heard." Renge's face lit up and she laughed. "Tell me!" One of the girls looked around, as if checking for listeners, then leaned in and whispered to Renge.

After a few seconds, Renge's face fell, looking bothered as the girl finished and pulled away.

"…What?"

The two gossipers looked sorrowful. "We just thought you would like to know…with Kyoya-sempai being your favorite host and all…" Renge thought for a moment before lighting up again. "I'm okay, girls! Thanks for keeping me updated!" She waved happily, grinning, then turned and started to walk back to class. The girls watched her leave with confused faces until she went out of sight, wondering what her reaction really was all about.

Once Renge turned the corner and became isolated, she allowed herself to think freely. _Knowing the Host Club and knowing Kyoya, this has all got to be an act. This whole 'relationship'-if you can even call it that-is just a farce to raise customers. It has to be._

*Creeek*

"Hey gu-Wah!"

Haruhi, on time (for once) for her first day of male customers, was suddenly jumped as she tried to enter Music Room #3. She was taken down to the floor by two familiar red-headed twins, both sporting an evil grin. Her bag flew across the room, slamming onto the tile and spewing its contents everywhere. The twins were on either of her shoulders, their knees pinning her down to the unscathed, rosy tile. She looked up at them angrily, unfortunately having no effect on them.

"Why are you tackling me!? Get OFF!"

She started to squirm under their lock, kicking her legs and banging her fists on the floor. She reached up with her free arms and tried to pry their knees off of her, but their knees didn't budge. She eventually gave up, letting out a sigh and looking up at the snickering twins with a look of defeat. "What? What do you want me to do?" They snuck a glance at each other, then leaned down to stare at her closer.

"Is that…_cooperation _we hear?" They taunted, grabbing her elbows and getting off of her. They immediately dragged her on the slick floor to a changing booth and handed her a costume. "We figured your first day as a hostess should be interesting!" They warbled in unison. Haruhi sighed as they laughed and left the room for her to change. _I hope it's not anything too flashy…_ Haruhi carefully unfolded the jumble of fabric to find…a female sailor cosplay set._ Ugh…. Sailors… _

It didn't take long to put on the outfit and meet the others in the main room to wait for the first couple of customers to arrive. Everyone in the room was dressed as a sailor, only Haruhi looked very cute and school-girlish. The twins were the first to meet her. "Good job! You look fantastic!" They both commented with thumbs in the air. Haruhi sighed in response, walking away. "No enthusiasm…." Hikaru muttered as her watched her go.

Hani ran up to Haruhi next and pulled on her hands, smiling. "You look so cute, Haru-chan!" Haruhi forced herself to smile in response, sending Honey beaming as he ran back to Mori. _I hope the customers get here soon. _ Haruhi thought, posing on the couch along with the others, all dressed in sailor attire. *BLAM*

A door to a dressing room smashed open, a dramatically posing Tamaki in the doorway. "Welcome, ladies! Come with me, and together we'll sail the seven seas. You'll be my mermaid whose hair glistens in the sun like fresh-cut diamonds! You'll be my only hope, who shines through my darkness! You'll be the jump to my ste-!" Tamaki, already halfway through his romantic verses, came to the depressing realization that no customers had yet come. "Oh…" He muttered quietly, scanning the room and the other club members, and then doing a double take. "H-Haruhi!?"

He finally noticed Haruhi, dressed in her cute female sailor clothing. Tamaki quickly grew a beet red as he turned away, cupping his mouth with his hand. Haruhi groaned deeply. "Change back." He sternly commanded from across the room, still not facing them. "Why? Her outfit is one that YOU YOURSELF picked out." The twins protested, actually making a valid point. "I-I…It doesn't matter!" Tamaki whipped around to face Kyoya, betrayal on his face. "MOMMY! Do something about your children!"

Kyoya looked up at him, amusement, slight annoyance, and indifference on his face. "What do you want _me _to do?" Tamaki stared back at him with betrayal, abashment, and irritation on his face. "These _HOODLUMS,"_ Tamaki swept a meaningful finger in the twin's direction, catching them off guard. "are going to violate her! Also, an UNMARRIED WOMAN should NOT show her skin so freely!" An extremely uncomfortable and awkward silence filled the air. The twins looked scheming, Tamaki was practically frothing at the mouth, Haruhi looked extremely annoyed, Kyoya scribbled in his notebook, and Hani looked confused. Mori, the poor soul, stood uncomfortably in the corner, providing background diversity.

The twins were the first to speak, grinning ear-to-ear at each other before putting their plan into action. Kaoru walked over to where Haruhi was standing, grabbing her wrist and attempting to pull her off to a dressing room. Haruhi followed, confused. Kaoru stopped halfway there and turned back to Hikaru with a mocking sneer. "'ey, Hikaru," Hikaru looked over expectantly. "I'm going to go _violate_ Haruhi now, 'kay?" It was all the twins could do not to burst out laughing. "'Kay, have fun." Hikaru said, feigning indifference. The two devils snickered and looked for Tamaki, to find that he was now a puddle on the floor, occasionally moaning with grief. Hani, the peacemaker, took this as a signal to step in, for the twins were advancing on Tamaki like hyenas, shouting bathetic declarations of love to Haruhi and watching him wither away in agony.

"Hika-chan! Kao-chan!"

The twins were laughing too hard to protest against Hani's wishes, so they reluctantly backed off. Hani walked up to Tamaki, wearing the purest look of innocence he could muster.

"Cheer up, Tama-chan! The twins would never do that, and actually, Haruhi's skirt is longer than even the middle school uniforms, so we're not exploiting her!"

Logic. Anger's worst opponent. Tamaki sighed-then froze. "Wait...that noise…" Everyone's heads perked up, straining to hear said noise. At first it was barely there, almost undetectable. In steady motions it grew louder and louder, until everyone's faces went deadpan with dread.

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAAHAHAHAAHAAAAAA"

"Renge…" Everyone growled in unison, rubbing their temples. A giant platform rose out of the floor with a hiss, harmonized with various levels of machinery grunts and creeks. On it stood the bane of the Hosts' existence. Renge was still cackling when the platform reached its maximum height, slowing to a stop with a deafening screech. "HELLO, HOST CLUB!" She scanned everyone's faces with an overzealous smile, chirping atrociously loud. She received a reply made of groans, complaints, and forced hellos, resulting in a momentary frown.

_I have to perk 'em up!_ Renge thought, opening a compartment on the platform top, her face disappearing for a minute behind the open hatch door. She pulled out a bright pink microphone connected to a huge amplifying system. Everyone in the room gawked (Of course, except Mori and Kyoya) and started to brace themselves, but it was too late. "YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!" She screamed into the microphone, amplifying the scream 10 times louder than any noise should _ever_ be. Everyone grimaced, hands shooting to their ears. Hikaru looked up at Renge sourly.

"No. We can't" He groaned curtly.

With this action, he received a bone-chilling glare from Kyoya. "*sigh* Yeah, yeah, 'client with the business.' I've got you." He grumbled under his breath while forcing a smile and wave. The others followed suit, casting sideways glances at Kyoya, to which he noticed were slightly hostile. Kyoya stood up swiftly, adjusting his glasses and looking over to Renge with his best host smile.

"Renge, could you please tone it down a bit? Our customers will be here any minute."

Renge blushed a tad and nodded innocently, watching intently as Kyoya turned away and they all posed on the couch once more, their sailor suits greatly contrasting with the deep red velvet. She put away all of her objects and lowered the towering platform, finishing just as the first few bubbly customers arrived. Renge walked over to a table in the middle of the room, sitting down quietly and not requesting a host. After all, she was only here to observe. For a few minutes, she just looked around the blindingly pink room, looking for details or hints, or anything she could use to her advantage. Fifteen minutes passed, full of girlish chatter that was void of luck. Kyoya was at one end of the room with his customers, and Haruhi was at the other end with her's. Renge sighed, exasperated.

Suddenly, Hikaru passed right by her table, heading to the storage room to get teacups. An idea formed in Renge's mind, as she stood up and began to stalk towards the storage room Hikaru was currently in, a grin plastered on her face. _If anyone should know, a twin should know_. As she neared the doorway, she walked as quietly as possible until she could peek around the open door.

It was a pretty spacious storage room, considering it only held teacups. The teacups reflected the light from the overhead lamps, giving the room a rosy and sparkly glow that outlined the fiery-haired twin. Each teacup was designer-made, each painted perfectly and delicately in their glory. Renge was pulled out of further observation by a sudden move from the twin. _Action! _He was starting to stand up, oblivious to the young girl quickly sneaking inside. He turned around and saw her just as she closed the door behind her, a grin on her face.

"….Renge? What are you doing? I need to get back out there to my customers." He protested, gesturing vaguely outside of the storage room door.

"Hang on….um….Kaoru?"

The twin looked annoyed. "No. Hikaru" He said hollowly.

_Whoops…_ "Of course! Hikaru!" She exclaimed, chuckling. His annoyance was beginning to reach a maximum level. "Well, Hikaru, I have a few questions to ask." Hikaru opened his mouth to speak, but before he could accept or decline, she continued. "Could you give me any information on Haruhi's and Kyoya's secret love?"

After Renge's high-pitched voice finished pronouncing syllables, a palpable silence filled the air. Hikaru stared at Renge, dumbstruck. A few tense seconds passed between the two before Hikaru almost dropped the tableware…from doubling over in laughter.


End file.
